So there i am dressed up in a gown and only my boxers on ..............get wheeled into the surgery room.......its the wierdest feeling you will prob ever encounter if you are kept awke........i had 3 injections into my neck, had half my face taped up and was all set for my biopsy (i will never need to ask what one of those is agin lol).....if you feel anything kevin let us know.........i bloody did feel something scared for one.......i could feel them moving and pushing my neck in ......i could hear them cutting at the same time that i felt it so i knew they were doing it to me....they even joked about seeing a big node next to it and lobbing it out while they had me open....
after they had superglued me up they wheeled me out ......the nurse asked if i wanted anything while i waited in recovery i explained in only the way i could .......Dont suppose i could have some water my mouth is fucking dry ....excuse my french........she remarked only if your good......like whats that got to do with anything .........oh and over in the corner behind the desk a male nurse was eating a bag of jelly babies infront of me.......that was far more worse torture than the op
it was thursday before the results finally came back in ......i had waited 2 days and figured i would prefer this hodgkins thing to cancer any day .....cheers mike for explaining before i got my results i am a tit and its a type of cancer too ..........so now i was thinking next best thing its a couple of simple infections all happening at the same time...... there is no way i have cancer its not plausable........i am far too young
so when my doc comes in and says kevin it is hodgkins.......my mind kinda goes blank and fuzzy.....i put a smile on and say something stupid like oh well it could be worse.......all sorts of random thoughts start jumping through your head.......tried cracking a few more jokes as there are now 3 speciqlists around my bed......turns out its hodgkins lymphoma stage 3 and aggresive only know that cos i had to ask the nurse afterwards ....it had gone in one ear and out of the other well it was not really happening was it.........i thought and still do that i am having a black out.
i waited in that room for about five minutes before walking into the toilet and breaking down in tears...................................its fucked up ...................30 with Cancer no idea really how long i have had it or whether i am going to live or die
i called mum tried to explain and then had to put the phone down on her i was in pieces..........
the next few days are to be honest still a blur.......i know nikki brought in Taya to see me on fathers day which helped sooooooooooo much......even bought me a card from taya and a box of wine gums.........i do love the sweeties lol.................i started randomly sending Cancer jokes out to people ....guess it was my way of trying to deal with it
even though i was told that they had staged me and i knew how bad it was i kept playing it down to people and saying it was ok (not stage 3 aggressive like it was ) but that either i didnt know how bad or it was only stage 1 or 2 .........i really didnt want to worry people anymore than i had to.........
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